Glamour Photography

HLO everyone! and welcome to my blog today it is about my glamour photography which is my job and it pays fine thank you I don’t do it just so to look at dinosaurs I am a professional and not an amateur or a semi-professional my girlfriend pays for this.

T-Rex reclining on a red fabric sofa.

(C) All rights reserve no infringemnet intended please.

This is a T-Rex I used a wide-angle lens and then I put it through a fish-eye filter on Photoshop and used the find edges tool I would recommend using this technique if you like your models to look a bit saucy or you could just put sauce on the photos hahaha no that was a joke but sometimes words do mean the same thing even when they are different.

Did I say I used a wide-angle lens? I think I used a zoom actually but either way it’s the same basic picture.

Therapsid

(C) All rights don’t steal.

I think this is some sort of therapsid I didn’t ask it though but does it matter I ask you when you can look at the beauty of the dinosaurs body I think my art is really all about the recording of the beauty of dinosaur bodies which is much nicer than looking at their arse or tits.

Dinosaurs don’t even have tits I mean I ask you some people.

I think that a good man will want to look at a dinosaur even if it has really small tits(!) because that is why they are generous and good but honestly as I said dinosaurs don’t have any at all which shows how good I am for looking at them (very good) and makes the picture sophisticated.

Triceratops on a red fabric sofa by John Lewis + also its bum

(C) COPY (don’t copy)

I will avoid the obvious joke here because I am more like James Bond with a martinei sort of humour I am very much a ladies man and have a dry wit (no not martina hingis lol I heard she played tennis or something!) a martinei!

Anyway I respect dinosaurs too much to say that this one is horny but it is. I gave it eyelashes in photoshop because who wants to look at a dinosaur that looks like it has shave its eyelids like some kind of MAN I ask you. I used infrared and also some candles on top of each other.

Apatosaurus

(C) Copywrong. Copyveryverywrong.

Yes tall dinosaur I said yes you are sexy. That is all you are good for though lol I said that as well.

She was so moved she looked like she was going to cry but then she didn’t she just charged me two hundred dollars for the picture and said that that was her job and if I had a job I would not be living where I am and paying dinosaurs to take off their clothes for me.

I said yes I would and said ha and she said she took pictures sometimes and she did not think I had got her all in and maybe I should use a wide angel but I said no you are not saucy.

Barmaids are saucy but they will not serve me bcos they say I smell like despair. I do have a job though.

I used an ISO 300 and a camera. She broke my pair of heels that I use so I lashed a satellite dish to her foot with some rope from a ship or something.

sofa

Sofa being a cheeky minx!

Hahaha this is great haha this is me and the sofa having some fun after the shoot she is great but needless to say she is not as talented as the models I hired. I tried to take too many pictures but it turns out cameras are not the same as video cameras even though the names are the same (link back to the saucy conundrum, this is what professional comedians call going all the way clown which is a pun on “all the way round” but I am not that funny even though some people say oh that was a funny thing to say it is not always on purpose

sofa

Oh no, “don’t” take a picture of me, hahaha but I did ha she wants it.

She is much more up for doing naughty pictures than the models I hired! But she looks like a bit of a couch unfortunately.

sofa

(C) COPYRIGHT ON ALL OF THEM

I am looking forwards to my next payacheck from where I work. Then I will pay the models again. Sometimes I think that they are so butiful I would just put them up on Nelsons column lol but then I am a romantic. I bet they would love to be put up there forever and never have to move again lol. I would bring them all the different types of cheese they like.

Dinosaurs don’t eat cheese or really any dairy products except eggs I think and thats a bit risky bcos what if they ate there own eggs? But anyway I would bring them cheese bcos I bought them they have to do whatever I say I mean damn.

People think glamour modelling is sexist but really that is just fascism.

I think that you should be allowed to have any fasces that you want, even if your fasce is pretty. It is only sexist if you can see all the naughty parts right up close.NOT the fasces.

Anyway this has been my guide on how to be a glamour model photographer I hope you enjoyed this is all 100% true and accurate and copyright ME so don’t steal or say I lied bcos I didn’t.

If you liked this post you might also like my most popular post by comment volume, Is Water A Ghost.

Secretly I don’t like glamour photographers.

SHHHHHHH.

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8 thoughts on “Glamour Photography

  1. Why is there blood on the couch?

  2. It made me laugh, especially the sexy sofa and the tall dinosaur. Yeah, lol.

  3. WHY WON’T YOU APPROVE MY COMMENT

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