If you are still reading, even after having read the title, then either (a) you believe that you are immune to ridiculously catchy, ridiculously dumb songs, (b) you actually enjoy the constant nagging ache of the same three lines of a song being stuck in your head all day, or (c) you have been deadened to all forms of emotion, following a terrible incident involving two members of The Vapors and a jar of peanut butter, and no longer care what horrors you expose your hardened heart to. In all of these cases, I am relieved of my moral and legal (in AR, U.S.A.) responsibility to give you one final chance to turn back lest your mind become possessed by irritating cacophonies born of hell itself. Because that’s the thing about these songs. They will get stuck in your head, and there is nothing you can do to stop it.
Also, most of these songs fail on every conceivable level.
If there’s one thing that Look Around You taught us, it is that comedy and junior school teaching materials go together very well. This sketch by usually-chuckle-inducing sketch mob picnicface, however, only succeeded in one thing.
That thing was inscribing the words HEY AF-RICA so deeply into my brain that my skull actually became slightly misshapen. So much of my brain power is now devoted to remembering those two words that I lost the ability to finagle. I can’t even remember what finagle means, and I used to go finagling all the time with my dear, uh. Well, shit. The most annoying thing about it is that the finagling centre of the brain is linked directly into the section that governs your lymphatic system, with the result that watching this video will, quite literally, make lymph and chyle burst from your body in all directions from sheer irritation, killing you instantly. The good news is that the explosive de-lymphatisation process, as it is known, can take as long as four weeks to initiate.
COMBINATION PIZZA HUT AND TACO BELL
I’m not sure if it makes it more irritating or less irritating that this song is supposed to be a parody making fun of more popular types of rap. Oh wait, this is by godawful pretentious “alt-rap” group Das Racist? Definitely more irritating. Definitely.
For those who, quite wisely, are reluctant to expose their ears to novelty rap hits, the song’s plot goes roughly as follows:
A man, presumably on the phone, tells his friend that he is at the Pizza Hut. Pursuant to this information having been received, his friend makes his incredulity known. Clarifying somewhat, the first party declares that he is also at the Taco Bell. The second party finds that this declaration does not remove his confusion, and again expresses his disbelief. Finally, and in a move that in truth he should have performed at the start of this ordeal, man the first admits to being not at separate institutions, but at a combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.
Next, the friend explains that this is impossible, since it is in fact he who is at the combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell. Our original narrator, fearing there has been a frightful mix-up of the first rank, attempts to rescue the situation by narrowing his location down: the Jamaica Street Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell. Unfortunately, all this does is make matters much worse. The song ends with a delightfully suspenseful cliffhanger of sorts, with both parties, their intentions towards each other entirely unknown, at the same fast food restaurant, each without the faintest idea as to the other’s whereabouts.
The listener is left with a sense of existential dread and despair by this trenchant critique of modern values. In the age of the Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell, the artificial social connections brought by technology are no match for the gaping wounds in the human soul, wrought by the absence of the ‘authentic signifier’ and the life-in-death of the hyper-real existence.
Either that, or it’s the most boring, vacant, obvious piece of parody ever committed by the most ironically artless hipsters to ever walk the earth. And it won’t get out of my head.
SQUID SHARK OCEAN VOISUS STOIP SOIGN SUN
Oh God, is this ever stupid. And Oh God, is it ever catchy. If you’re familiar with Cody’s work on Cracked.com (especially “Game Helpin’ Squad”), you’ll be aware that this is definitely on purpose, as a parody of certain internet phenomena. However, stupid on purpose, when given a catchy series of words in an amusingly silly accent, ends up with just the same result as stupid by (sort-of) mistake. All the “weebl’s stuff” content that this song mocks is utterly eclipsed in irritating brain-worminess by this masterpiece of crawling terror.
Whoever said that fear was the mind-killer had evidently never heard thishean voisus stoip soign sun. Squid shark ocean voisus stoip soign sun. Squid shark ocean voisus stoip soign sun. Squid shark ocean voisus stoip soign sun. Squid shark ocean voisus stoip soign sun. Squid shark ocean voisus stoip soign sun. Squid shark ocean voisus stoip soign sun. Squid shark ocean voisus stoip soign sun. Squid shark ocean voisus stoip soign sun. Squid shark ocean voisus stoip soign sun. Squid shark ocean voisus stoip soign sun. Squid shark ocean voisus stoip soign sun. Squid shark ocean voisus stoip soign sun.
Squid shark ocean voisus stoip soign sun. Squid shark? Ocean voisus stoip soign sun! Squid shark ocean voisus, stoip soign. Sun squid shark ocean voisus stoip soign sun. Squid shark ocean voisus stoip soign sun.
Still want to listen to a load of utterly, ridiculously, dumb songs? Clicky.